white noise

Halloween's come and gone and you know that that means... Time for holiday decorations! What does your city or town do to decorate each year that you most look forward to?

Christmas! Oh, how it used to be my most favorite holiday. Used to because since I became a taxpayer (a disgruntled one at that), my days of simply receiving gifts are over. I know I'm not exactly required to give presents but I would be labeled a Grinch forever for being selfish. The looks on my family and friends' faces make up for all that cash gone down the drain though.

BRB.

Okay, I thought about it. Christmas is still my favorite holiday. How can I ignore the promise of lots and lots of food?

The decorations aren't up at our house yet. I'm kind of wondering how long we can hold out until we break under the pressure of finally putting them up. Our neighbors have already started on theirs. We better pray that some random electric post won't burst from the maximum wattage.

During this time of the year, a gigantic tree festooned with tinsel, colorful balls and strings of lights would monopolize the plaza in the heart of the city. The decorations are always different each year. Beside it, an electronic billboard counts down to Christmas day. If you need to shock yourself into feeling the holiday spirit, you could visit the plaza and be overwhelmed by the festive air. It's irresistible. Even the Grinch in me can't help but cave.

But that's not my favorite part of town though.

A few years ago, I was forced to work on Christmas Eve. It was hell on earth. All I had was my imagination; what my family was doing, their reactions to what I gave them, all that sumptuous food uneaten by yours truly and the gifts waiting under the tree for me. I almost cried when I saw the fireworks through the office window. On my break, a friend and I went out for a much-needed cigarette. That's when I saw the simple string of lights that hung on the square in the middle of the street. For fear of waxing poetic too much, I won't describe in detail how I exactly felt when I saw it. Just that, it was a breath of fresh air from the loneliness I felt that night. That somehow, in the dark corner that I was holed in, the light still found me.

Well, that last sentence was damn near bulimia-inducing. 

Happy Holidays everyone! :)

What are you dressing up as this Halloween? Bonus points if you share a picture!

I dressed up as a mosher who died in the pit.

Of course, they didn't get it.

Sayonara.

Arrivederci.

Auf wiedersehen.

Au revoir.

Paalam.

Cge bai.

You can say it in different tongues but it still means the same thing - goodbye. The pain that accompanies the word is something akin to toppling over a high cliff. You know where you're going, what's going to happen and if you're lucky, it won't break you that much but the pain will be long-lasting.

I have never toppled over a cliff and I hope I won't be that stupid. But I have experienced goodbyes. Lots of them.

I had my first sharp taste of it on my grandmother's death. I was one of her favorites. And she was mine. I can still remember the coconut candies that she always made. I have nothing but the fondest memories of her. Her passing was not something I wanted to understand back then. I didn't want to grow up without her.

It was a different kind of sadness on my high school graduation. Saying goodbye to classmates I've been with for more than a decade was difficult and a bit heart-wrenching. There were copious tears and long hugs. We knew that most of us wouldn't see each other again. If we do, we won't travel in the same circles anymore. I didn't know I was going to cry but I had high hopes that I would still remain friends with my high school buds until...well, death.

I maintain contact with less than five.

College graduation was just hot and messy. I didn't graduate with my friends (now dubbed "friends for life") because I enjoyed college far too much. But nothing emotional happened at that junction in my life. No, the goodbye happened at the airport, the year before my emancipation from college. Tata had tears streaming down her face while trying her damnedest to laugh the whole thing off. Fifi wasn't bothered all that much because like me, she had another semester to live the high life. But she also got a bit emotional because her sister had minimal control over her tear ducts. It's a twin thing. The rest of us tried to appear cool and unruffled. Pssh. Suffice to say, it didn't work. We all realized that things aren't going to be the same. We thought about all the missed trips, vacations and tagays til sunrise. Those weren't happening unless we made an effort to communicate. And I'm happy to say that it's not "goodbye" but "see you later" with all of us. That airport affair was just a minor speed bump.

There are goodbyes that you expect and some that come without warning. The latter came in the form of a guy who I pretty much romanticized in this fucking blog but thinking back, he wasn't worth much. We just had a really messed up definition of what a relationship should be and did not deign to label it as such but we were doing shit together that shouldn't be done by people who were not supposed to like each other. So his parting was a bit of a surprising letdown. I didn't expect to feel wretched about it. I guess it just sucks when you're the one left behind.

The best and worst goodbye would probably be my last day at my first job. I had a blast at that company. The job had nothing to do with it (it sucked but I learned a lot). It was the people there that made me stay far longer than I should have. I got to travel to some of the places that seemed permanently locked in my imagination back in college. My experiences there and the friends I made would always be treasured. I didn't tell anyone that I was planning to resign that day. A minute or so after I sent my goodbye email, my officemates came to my station in droves and attacked me. They did not stop there. My mailbox was full to the brim with messages like "What the hell?!", "Mamiya ug buhi!" and "WHY?!".

Good times. 

But karma bites you in the ass. Hard.

I have to say goodbye to a friend whose last day at work is already tomorrow. She turned in her resignation letter more than a month ago and I'm only starting to realize that I won't be seeing her at the office anymore. Me <--- stupid. Oh, I know we'll still hang out. We're co-dependent like that. Even though we have totally different schedules and we haven't seen each other for longer than an hour for the past few weeks, it's different when you know that the person's presence has left the building for real. I can't pop at the office early and expect to see her and she, in turn, won't stay late and wait for me to arrive anymore. We were batchmates in training...and hardcore members of the mafioso ever since :) Though said group has become defunct due to the departure of two other members (there was a third but she's not worth remembering), the few of us who remained still kicked ass.

Anyway.

She decided to leave to pursue her dreams. And I admire her for that. So I did nothing to stop her. A lot of people did and I think she came close to relenting. But maybe her Saturday classes remind her of the reason why she's been burning the midnight oil for months now. Nobody can dissuade a woman possessed.

Jumax, you are one of best people that I've had the good fortune to meet. Yes, you're right. We are kindred spirits. I will miss our long talks while we're hypothetically working, your berating me for being so effing slow at encoding my evaluations when I'm supposedly OC (dude, slow is practically synonymous to OC jeez) and our futile efforts at bullying each other. We can think of the weirdest shit, talk about our nonsensical lives, gossip about people at work, plot for world domination or quite simply, plot the destruction of someone else's life (cue in evil laugh). We don't even drink that much anymore! How cool is that? We just have fun watching Bart get drunk ;) The best thing about us is that we can still goof off despite the cards that life has dealt us. Between the two of us, you do that best. You're the epitome of grumpy but whenever you're stressed out beyond reason, you still have the capacity to laugh about the situation. Mind-boggling. You know how to motivate people with your sharp tongue and witty repertoire. That's pure talent right there. You know how to keep friends. And lose those that aren't worth your time. Your keen insight has helped me put a lot of things in perspective and I will forever be grateful for that. You're a manipulative bitch and I love that about you because I can say "Apir bai!". You know how to redirect my attention when I'm pissed off by laughing at me or feeding me. You don't encourage my bad mood but you don't discourage it either. You just let me be. I have found few friends who can understand and accept my shortcomings. You are one of them.

Thank you, Max for being you. The best of luck to you. Like I said, nobody can dissuade a woman possessed. So let your dreams possess you and watch them turn to reality.

See you later man ;)

Twilight

Twilight.

What an apt title for a movie whose appeal waned a few minutes into the opening credits.

If it's not that obvious yet, yes, it sucked.

Fine. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'll give it a fair 5. Hey, that's even too generous.

How fucking disappointing. To think that I waited for this for I-don't-know-how-many freakin months. I read the books and I can tell you right now that I am absolutely demented over them. When I found out that Twilight would be made into a movie, I had a few doubts that it would fall short of my expecatations. We all know how Hollywood often skips some of the good parts in an attempt to condense all those words into two short hours, Lord of the Rings being an almighty exception. But even with that kind of evidence, I laid my inner skeptic aside and eagerly waited. Maybe I wanted to prove one of my officemates wrong. He kept on firing these factoids on movie adaptations that flopped spectacularly. I still had high hopes though that Twilight will not join the mass of these so-called failures.

Five minutes into the film and it hit me that I should've just bought a DVD copy, which costs a fourth of the price of the godamn movie ticket.

It had good points, of course. The lighting was perfect. It was as I imagined Forks, Washington to be; dreary and downright depressing. Just by the weather itself, you can already gauge that the flick would be somewhat somber. Another notable point is that it didn't veer too far off from the book; the scenes and dialogues hit close to home. The soundtrack also suited the scenes; not too loud nor was it totally emo. The actors who played the minor characters executed their roles well; corny, pathetic, eager beavers (reminds you of freshmen who didn't get over junior high yet) - they made it obvious that Bella Swan was different and didn't particularly care about sticking to convention. Though some of them were irritating (the book pretty much painted them as such), their blandness had a purpose. Charlie, Bella's father, was my favorite character in the movie. He was unintentionally funny during those moments when he attempted to be protective of his daughter. The villains were excellent! I was especially impressed with James. He totally clinched his role as the bad guy.

As for the major characters, they also fit their roles. Rosalie could've emblazoned "B-I-A-T-C-H" on her forehead and I would agree without hesitation. Emmett's carefree air and thirst for violence was also captured on film. The calm and collected Dr. Carlisle was convincing as the head of the family slash coven. Esme's mother hen tendencies were also evident. In the book, Jasper only talked when spoken to and had the inclination to brood. Though he was a bit too wide-eyed for my taste (he reminded me of Edward Scissorhands), Jasper accomplished his role in the movie; fretted and followed Alice wherever she went. I think he only had one line. One ditz explained it perfectly - "And that's Jasper, the one who looks like he's in pain all the time". Alice was enthralling. She was one of the characters that immediately nabbed your attention when she's in the scene. 

And yes, they were all beautiful as vampires should be. They looked like they ran into a truck full of flour though (that's a direct quote from my sister).

Moving on to the central characters - Edward Cullen and Bella Swan. The film relied heavily on their ability to demonstrate their supposedly undying love for each other. Sadly, their chemistry was close to zilch. It felt forced somehow.

Edward was unmistakably gorgeous - that much, I can appreciate - but he had a propensity to widen his eyes whenever he wanted to emphasize that he's mad about something. There was something wrong with the way he projected his feelings period. I found myself calling him goth-boy several times while watching the movie. Must have been the hair, I don't know.

Oh, he wasn't that bad. He could've done worse, I guess. He was quite good in a few scenes. I'm just saying that it wasn't enough.

Don't lose your day job as Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter, man! Oh, I forgot. You already died there...

Bella had noteworthy moments. Undeniably beautiful, she was effective at playing up the fragile-looking but strong image. She could've been more potent though if her partner took his aggressive approach to a higher level; subtle but the aura of menace would still be palpable.

In effect, their love scenes, except for their mind-blowing first kiss (as I've often told my friends, everytime they kissed in the book, it's an EVENT), could be likened to tepid water. They failed at illustrating their shared passion that should've had the audience gripping. They went for communicating that with mere words, which is never good if you lack the subtle gestures to support your word vomit. It isn't really believable if words of a fiery nature are said with faces that look constipated instead of compelling.

I'm also still in shock that the high school girls in the row in front of us bought all of that shit.

They screamed everytime Edward popped up. My sister and I burst out laughing every freaking time they screamed that it almost became a routine; scream, laugh, scream, laugh, scream - you get the picture. I kept on telling myself that I also went through that stage, albeit a bit more subdued. It sucks ass though if you're the unwilling spectator of such vile behavior. They were already shrieking before the movie even began rolling. All of us behind them snorted in annoyance. Since my excitement was a bit fractured at that point, I delivered a swift and bitchy "Excuse me!" and then a sarcastic "Thank you" when the noise died down. I didn't exactly care if I sounded like the ultimate spoilsport. Hey, I had to burst their bubble after they dented mine. The destruction was completed by the movie itself.

I don't know what the fuck they were screeching about when the flick was close to a dud.

Again, it must have been Edward's hair.

I can only hope that the sequels would fare better.

***It's called an opinion. Deal with it.

I can't resist smiling to these tracks ;)

From left to right: "Make It Mine" - Jason Mraz, "This is Your Life" - The Killers, "The World We Live In" - The Killers

CERTIFIED!!!

(Insert cheeky grin here)

Welcome to Aiys's blog.

You are the 100 something visitor.

Today, Aiys feels like shit.

Aiys is eating...air.

Aiys is listening to the rain pelting her window.

And Aiys will stop talking in the third person now.

Actually, it's true. I'm feeling like shit. Specifically, anxious, nauseous and panicky. Why? Because it's my cetification tonight for something that all managers have to certify out of. Management has to go through that because the upper echelons of the company just want to torture us poor souls. I don't really want to go into details because it would just scare the shit out of me even more.

Seriously though, after we're certified, we're supposed to know how to properly teach the agent shit that s/he is supposed to already know. I'm using the wrong words here...Fine. Here's the long version: We've been trained on how to relay information to agents, reinforce said teaching and do anything short of surgically attaching it to their freakin skulls until they get the damn thing. And I have to prove to our trainer tonight that I have the capacity to do such hammering.

You might have noticed that I resort to cursing when I'm under pressure.

The pressure is all in my head. But I'm still a bit fidgety.

Plus, I missed the refresher training earlier because it was at the fucking crack of dawn and I was still dead asleep. I failed to note that the schedule was set in local time, not CST. It's not the first time that I misunderstood an email but I just had to be stupid about this email. I went through the actual training three months ago and, big shocker there, I already forgot most of what was discussed. A friend of mine broke down the process for me but even his short lecture occurred three months ago too.

So basically, I'm screwed.

Craptastic.

There's a light at the end of the tunnel though!

Twilight is coming out on Wednesday!!!

I'm so excited! (No shit, Sherlock). I'm going to watch it with my sister. She reserved seats for the first show. I envy her because the main character in Twilight and her have the same name. Wouldn't it be just fun if Edward Cullen would utter my name onscreen and I'd be watching along with the rest of the world? Fantastic! It doesn't matter if the whole thing isn't real. He's real in my fantasies, man.

Hey, nobody died of dreaming.

Isn't it weird that I could just bounce from being totally nervous to outrageously enthusiastic?

I just scream bipolar, don't I?

The holidays are right around the corner, which means gift-giving (and buying) season is upon us. When do you usually purchase your gifts? What are the benefits/disadvantages of buying when you do?
Sponsored by Best Buy.

 

September - Would you look at that? Blue Magic is starting the countdown to Christmas. Jesus. It's still three months away man!

October - My birth month. I have an excuse for not saving so that I can splurge on things I wouldn't even dream of buying on any other month. Okay, that was a total lie. October just doesn't make me feel guilty for spending a lot because, as I've mentioned, it's my birth month.

November - ...CRAP.

That's usually my first reaction when Christmas is just a month away. For us tax-paying adults, the Holidays is the season for burning holes in our pockets, turning wallets inside out for spare change and spending large sums of money we broke our backs to earn, for gifts to give to our loved ones.

Christmas is just short for "legitimate looting" or "condoned robbery". 

Normally, I would turn a blind eye and willingly get myself robbed along with the rest of the populace. But with the present financial climate, especially MY present financial climate, how in the world can we afford it?! Not counting the 13th month pay, Christmas is like...TWO FREAKIN PAY DAYS AWAY, MAN.

Shit!

Yes, I'm panicking.

I wasn't such a Scrooge before. When I was still a kid, I looked forward to Christmas. I got lots of elaborately wrapped presents from my relatives and even more stuff from my parents and siblings. I loved the gifts given by my mom the most because she gave me perfume, bags and clothes. There was this one year though that she gave me a huge stuffed bear. I was already in college.

Uhm...

Note to the public: I abhor stuffed toys. I don't find comfort in hugging inanimate objects that can't hug me back. Plus, it just sits there and gathers dust. Nevermind that it's cute to look at. It just screams impractical.

ANYWAY.

What was the question?

Sorry, I'm digressing.

I buy gifts around 2 - 3 weeks before Christmas. Because I'm a lazy mofo, I buy gifts online, eBay specifically. Now before you shriek "cheapskate!" (to which i will reply with, "old school bitch!"), brand new stuff actually exist in eBay. eBay has saved me from crowds, noise, that godawful smell of sweat in a jampacked mall and varicose veins. I can lean back on my swivel chair and bid to my heart's content. Isn't that great?

The drawback though is that you can't touch, smell or, in rare cases, hear the things that you're buying before they get delivered. You can only rely on pictures of the items...and multiple emails (more like demands) to the seller for photos of every angle of the item. I did that with one. I had to because it was really expensive. I didn't want to buy shit that isn't worth it.

If you're a tactile kind of person, then eBay is not for you.

Hmmm...I wonder what stuff is on eBay now...

Let the bidding war commence! :)

I hated table tennis when I was still in college. I hated it because I didn't know how to play. My antipathy towards the game was further aggravated because I actually took a P.E. course on table tennis, which required me to hit the ridiculously small ball. I had no choice in the matter since, being the eternally lazy person that I am, I didn't wake up at the crack of dawn during enrollment. My first choice, swimming (which by the way, I was never able to enroll in), was a no-go because all the classes reached full capacity in a space of three hours. I could only pick between basketball and ping pong. What-the-hell moment, I tell you. I have never been a sporty person. My inclination towards such activities only extended to billiards. So naturally, I chose ping pong since I couldn't imagine myself running across a hardwood court (or in the case of UP, a cemented outdoor affair) and heaving a huge ball into a net several feet taller than me.

I should've picked basketball because I ended up running after the ball anyway after I lamely tried to whack it back to my opponent's end of the table. Lamely, meaning, I failed at hitting it in the first place. I don't like failing at anything. I didn't flunk the course (who flunks at P.E. anyway?) but I sucked royally at it. I always lost during practice games. Not very nice for my dwindling self-esteem. Since I didn't succeed, I deemed the game stupid and unworthy of my attention.

That was until the office installed a ping pong table in the lounge area two weeks ago.

It always seemed to be surrounded by people; accomplished players who looked like they've been at it since their formative years and beginners who retrieved the ball across the room every few seconds whilst laughing at their lameness. I couldn't stop myself from being fascinated with it. I passed by the area everyday on my way to the pantry so I was understandably drawn to the hooplah - over fucking ping pong of all things. It's like watching the guy you've been infatuated with for more than a year, who is coincidentally a close friend of yours, flirting with someone else. Though your feelings took a hit, you continue watching anyway (and that was entirely too descriptive).

I must really be disturbingly attracted to ping pong for me to wax eloquent on it. 

A friend of mine convinced me to play with her during one of the rare moments that the lounge was deserted. I told her at first that I didn't know how to play. She said she'd teach me how. Out of a morbid curiosity to see if I'll yet again fail in this particular pursuit, I picked up a paddle and played.

I loved it.

We ended up playing for almost an hour. Not for the first time was I thankful that management could get away with having extended breaks. Since I got promoted to QA, I have used and at times, abused this privilege. I spent about two hours of my shift and close to four hours after that playing and watching others play ping pong (of all things!) last Friday. I took small comfort in the fact that I was done with all of my QA duties for the pay period. I am far from smashing the ball across the net. That ability takes years of practice, I think. I even nicknamed it "Ping Punit" ('punit' is Cebuano for 'pick up') because the floor seems to be the ball's favorite place whenever it's my turn to hit it. It also evolved to "Ping-minton" one time since my opponent and I got tired of retrieving the ball whenever it went past the outside lines. We hit it anyway and a spirited game of Ping-minton came into existence.

I am still lame at ping pong (and proud!). Nobody becomes an expert after two days. But ever since I was a kid, I've always had a habit of obsessing over things/games that I could potentially be good at until I master them. I went without food for three days way back in sixth grade because I had a Gameboy in my hands and SuperMario became a fixation until I won. The case is also the same with billiards. I was so crazy over it that I reached a point wherein I was arrogant enough to join a tournament (I won just one round unfortunately). I can only hope that I won't get fired for playing ping pong too much.

I heard that HR is working on setting up a pool table in the lounge area.

The possibility of termination seems to be imminent.

A year older but still none the wiser.

I was supposed to start this commentary with, "It's my birthday and so far, it's the shittiest day of the year." But I wrote that in the middle of the day. I was right about the "so far" part because, before I went out, I was pigging out on Ruffles Cheddar n' Sour Cream in front of the boob tube, having a That '70s Show marathon. It actually emphasizes the absolute banality of the human condition - nothing says normal like binging for me.

My father wanted me to have a big celebration. He said that since my age totals to the number 9, I should make a racket to delay death. Because the number 9 is the last number…blah blah blah - you get my point. I just looked at him funny and burst out laughing. Sometimes I don't get tradition and asinine beliefs like this. Are there supposed to be people up there who are waiting on tenterhooks with golden scissors to cut off the thread of my life in case I don't have a party? I can just imagine the conversation.

Someone up there 1: Hey man, there's a stubborn chick down there who won't celebrate her birthday and she's turning 27. You know what that means...

Someone up there 2: It's clobbering time!

Yeah. Asinine.

Besides, I didn't really like the thought of celebrating something that would cruelly point out the fact that I'm three years away from turning 30.

Qué horror.

My self-imposed isolation burgeoned into anti-social behavior when I went to the mall with my little sister after lunch that I had to wonder if this is what getting older does to a person. It was mainly due to the fact that it was a Saturday and I didn't have the luxury of visiting my favorite stores without bumping into numerous people. It's not that I wanted the mall to be completely empty but...yeah, I wanted it to be empty :p

Anyway, I, being the designated babysitter, had to go to the blasted place with Cielo because, aside from school, she was learning advanced Math and Reading courses at Kumon in Ayala Center. I don't get kids these days. When I was still in school, I just did what was required, dodged homework as much as I could and executed projects on the eleventh hour as was customary. Before college, I didn't even deem extra-curricular activities worthy of my time. Conclusion: my little sister is a budding overachiever. She is so far-removed from the rest of her siblings because we're all lazy mofos. But I love hanging out with her anyway because she's at that age when you want to be indulged by your elders and I'm at the stage in my life where I give in to her every whim - and every kid I know. Biological clock setting off alarm bells? Snooze, baby!

Wait a fucking minute. I just referred to myself as an elder.

Qué horror dos!

While I was waiting for Cielo to finish her class, I strolled through the mall with only my iPod to entertain me and did what I love to do every chance I get - people watching. The place was packed with hormonally charged teens. I even heard a group of girls scream when a supposedly hot guy passed their corner of the food court. Good God. It was an effort not to cringe in disgust at their lame attempts at having a social life. And here's the clincher: I spotted my little brother with them. Ugh. My brother has poor taste in women.

And the number of years I spent on the earth made itself apparent again. I had to remind myself that I went through puberty too sans the screaming and obvious pursuit of boys, i.e. stalking.

Uhhm. I suffer from selective amnesia.

ANYWAY.

We had a little family get-together over pizza and chicken at home that night. I intended to get back to my spot in front of the tube after dinner but an officemate urged me to get out of the house since it was afterall my special day. And despite the fact that I wasn't in a super festive mood, I did want to get drunk. I can't break the annual tradition (10th year man!) of getting properly sloshed on my birthday. Now THIS is one tradition that I believe in *tongue in cheek*.

So I got smashed. Smashed to the point of bending over the toilet bowl to rid my stomach of its contents. There were seven of us and we rediscovered why you shouldn't drink different kinds of alcohol in the same night. Tequila + Tanduay = Bad Combo. But I'm proud to say that I was still semi-sane enough to go home. Emphasis on semi. One of us wasn't in his right mind towards the end though. He came on to me on the cab ride home. I wasn't about to spoil my birthday with a meaningless fuck. I went from drunk to sober in less than a minute. I wanted to kick his ass out of the cab for ruining such a good buzz. After a moment of aggravation, wherein I proceeded to call the officemate who forced me to go out and screamed at him that he should have taken me home or at least, warned me about Mr. Buzz Ruiner, I decided not to make a big deal out of it. So I just broke out in hysterical laughter. He must have thought I was a bit deranged. The word, bipolar comes to mind actually. I was drunk - that's a good enough excuse. If this happened five or so years ago, I would've gone with the flow and slept with Mr. BR just for fun. He's not totally awful to look at. But I already went down that road more than once. Adding another one to my list of mistakes isn't an option for me these days. I know better, so to speak.

Inspite of the day's mishaps, it was a good birthday. The fact that so many people remembered - even those that I don't talk to on a regular basis anymore - tickled me pink. Maybe some of them greeted because they saw my name on the birthday corner of the "Announcements" bulletin board at the office or Friendster prompted them that it was already my birthday. But so what? It's still gratifying to know that in some way or another, I touched the lives of these people.

So it wasn't totally shitty afterall ;)